yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When did angry sex become our thing?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
