Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
