Im at strip club and am horny
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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