I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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