chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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