you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
