Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize