what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
