I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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