I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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