And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You've changed since you got that strap on
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
