Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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