If that was your dad, he is hot
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
