when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
