Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
