If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize