it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
