Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
