People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
