hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
