If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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