I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
