Do you still have your period?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize