He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize