WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
