shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize