This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
