I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
