her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
