I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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