Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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