Small penises have feelings too.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
