I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
