remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize