I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
