you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
