mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
so much tequila, so little girl.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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