My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Found the puke drawer
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
