Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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