I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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