Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
