we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
