so explain again why im purple
no
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
