She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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