Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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