Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I faked an abortion last night.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
