I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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