this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
