Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
