Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
