garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
