Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize