If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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