i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
