____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
