Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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