I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
