As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
