So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i love accidental penises.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
