so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
