I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize