A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
