If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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