Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
