Whod you bang
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
