I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
