I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
