Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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