I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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